Looking younger often requires standing next to something much older, such as a brontosaurus femur or the future. Emulate youth without the use of fossil aids with today's Groupon to Saratoga Springs Plastic Surgery, PC on Wells Street in Saratoga Springs. Choose from the following options:
- For $99, you get a consultation and 30-minute Endermologie Lipomassage cellulite treatment (a $300 value). This deal does not include the mandatory $45 fee for an Endermologie garment.
- For $99, you get a facial evaluation and 30-minute microdermabrasion treatment (a $300 value).
- For $99, you get an evaluation and 30-minute sclerotherapy or laser treatment for spider veins (a $300 value).
- For $99, you get a facial-rejuvenation consultation and 10 units of Botox (a $300 value).
- For $169, you get three laser hair-reduction treatments valid for use on the underarms, face or neck, or bikini area (a $750 value).
Voted Best Plastic Surgeon in The Saratogian's 2010 Readers' Choice Awards, Dr. Steven Yarinsky and his staff turn back age clocks through an array of state-of-the-art procedures. The cellulite-busting suction-massage machine used in Endermologie Lipomassage can stretch connective tissue, increase blood flow, and add joie de vivre to ennui-ridden body parts (best results usually seen after 10–12 treatments during a two-month period).
Microdermabrasion employs the sloughing power of a fine, controlled spray of crystals to remove the outer layer of skin and accelerate cell turnover to reveal younger-looking and tighter skin. Exterior enhancers can also opt to banish the purple webbings of rogue spider veins with half an hour of sclerotheapy or laser treatment. Laser treatment employs an Aura Star Pulse laser to minimize veins, while sclerotherapy injects a small amount of concentrated salt solution into veins, causing their walls to collapse like an exhausted camel under a load of old college textbooks.
When injected into rough facial neighborhoods, 10 units of tough-as-nails Botox convince wayward muscles to settle down and hit the books with wrinkle-smoothing results that last as long as three to six months. Laser hair-reduction treatments use the FDA-approved LightSheer Diode Laser to disable hair follicles in the active growth phase, mowing down inconvenient fur before it gets the chance to apply for diplomatic immunity (six to eight sessions are often needed to achieve long-lasting results).
During an initial consultation prior to any treatment, the mysteries of each procedure will be illuminated using brochures, photo albums, and expert advice, ensuring brains are sufficiently nourished with information and question reservoirs are entirely depleted.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Germs
Germs are unavoidable: they flutter through the air, they drill through your dermis with their auger-like snouts, and they hide where you least expect it—in the laugh of a child. Here's what you need to know about these pathogenic microorganisms:
The Germ of an Idea: Germs are named for their discover, Johann van de Germ, the Austrian science hobbyist who built his own microscope out of plywood, rubber bands, and an existing microscope. Naturally, he was shocked to see his skin crawling with miniature monstrosities and spent his life trying to cleanse himself by bathing in moonlight.
Harmful Helpers: Although germs are actively working to undermine your body's health, some germs are actually necessary. Nicknamed "white blood cells," these scheming parasites smuggle oxygen from your lungs and hide it in your brain, where it's converted into memory nodes that can store state capitals and all eight years of your childhood.
Outrageously Contagious: Like dandelion seeds and wishes, germs are carried by the wind. To protect your family, avoid all physical and emotional contact with those around you. If you must hug your children, do so using two curved metal affection rods (available at all pharmacies) or hug them with words by writing them a check for $15.
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