A perfectly white smile determines how others perceive you by shining brightly enough to blind them to your second head and compound eyes. Let dazzling teeth disguise the effects of your mad-science hobby with today’s Groupon: for $179, you get a Zoom! teeth whitening at Walsh & Walsh General & Cosmetic Dentistry in Kinderhook (a $599 value). Walsh & Walsh Dentistry is dedicated to healthy, blindingly white smiles attained through attentive one-on-one care. Harnessing the mystical powers of the once-mythical Zoom! teeth-whitening system, Dr. Walsh (or, Dr. Walsh) begins the simple process by covering lips and gums so that the whitening powers stick only to the enameled mouth surfaces. Zoom!'s de-coloring gel is then applied to the proto-pearlies, and a magic wand of light blasts away stains and discoloration. The process consists of three 15-minute treatments, offering immediate results for a whiter, brighter smile.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Popular Fears
The encyclopedia tells us "There is nothing to fear but fear itself," and though this may have been true at the time the encyclopedia was written, today's world is fraught with fearable dangers. Here's a guide to overcoming some popular fears:
Arachnophobia—Fear of Spiders: With upwards of eight legs, spiders have only one natural predator: confidence. Next time you spot a spider, stare deeply into its 100 eyes and fill out an application for a higher paying job. The spider will sense your self-worth and retreat to its cocoon.
Triskaidekaphobia—Fear of the Number 13: Thirteen is thought to be the unluckiest number, which is why it doesn't appear on calculators. To overcome a phobia of the fearsome digit, say your own name into a mirror 13 times—doing so will cause Candyman actor Tony Todd to appear if you are Tony Todd.
Gerontophobia—Fear of the Elderly: Senior citizens are like owls: wise, allergic to sunlight, and covered in quills. Instead of fearing the elderly, just act like everyone else and give them sweets.
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