Tattoos are a superb way to remember faces of your children's bullies, the date on which Christmas usually falls, or the time a horse kicked off the mayor's top hat and made him drop the giant key down a sewer grate. Immortalize a memory with today's Groupon to Austin Dermagraphix on South First Street. Choose between the following options:
- For $19, you get $50 worth of piercings.
- For $25, you get $70 worth of tattoo work.
An expert piercer joins forces with a team of aesthetically gifted, life-long tattoo artists—including one with a degree in painting—to embellish bodyscapes at Austin Dermagraphix. The piercing professional hangs hoops or wallet-size family photos on unadorned lobes, nostrils, and eyebrows ($35 each), glamorizes ears with twin lobe studs or industrial piercings ($60+ each), and spikes lips with angel or snake-bite piercings ($60+ each). Inkers emblazon dermal canvases with portraits or coats-of-arms during sessions that span roughly 40 minutes for a small tattoo ($70+, at the rate of $125/hour).
Freshly pierced or inked customers can coddle their body art with the help of aftercare instructions available online. Though not included with this Groupon, the clean, hygienic studio also boasts an arsenal of numbing products to ease pains caused by just-born jaguars or dragons clawing at biceps.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Employee Benefits
Before starting a new job, make sure your prospective employer offers the following basic benefits:
• Health Insurance: Your medical plan should pay for checkups, hospital visits, and twice-daily atomized vaccine mists administered via your office's sprinkler system.
• 401(k): This is a 401-foot-deep hole where your money is buried so government taxmen can't find it. When you retire, you’re mailed a map to its location.
• Complimentary Cigarette Dish: There should be a bowl of loose cigarettes on the receptionist's desk next to the punch bowl full of Pepsi.
• Solid-Gold Retirement Knife: Should have a pawn value equal to one electric guitar.
• Dignity: Or not.
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