Without furniture, homes would feel empty on the inside and be forced to boost their self-esteem by wearing provocative siding and bullying smaller homes. Protect fragile domestic egos with today's Groupon to Gage Furniture. Choose between the following options:
- For $50, you get $150 worth of furniture.
- For $75, you get $225 worth of furniture.
For 70 years, Gage Furniture has embellished its arsenal of experience and taste with high-quality wood and upholstered furniture. Table lamps ($75+) light up rooms with cozy glows from desks such as the Carlyle office desk ($199), providing a work surface for drafting memos and MASH games driven by advanced logarithms. Homeowners can stow their 20 remotes in style with the Bryse storage coffee table ($159) or embrace the comfort cubbyholes with the Callum coffee table ($159). Gage Furniture also offers microfiber Collin-Spa sofas with multiple fabric options ($399), allowing furniture to match preexisting color, décor, and coin-hoarding schemes.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Cover Blurbs
Many would-be authors are inspired by Ender's Game—the old literary game of writing the ending first—but few realize there is content after the ending that will affect book sales more directly: your cover blurbs. Here's a guide to getting the quote that will blurb your book right off the shelves:
• Aim High: Your parents, pastor, or parakeet would probably be pleased to praise your potboiler in print, but it will sound more impressive coming from Abel Thrice—acclaimed author of The Vampire Mysteries and Nightblood: Mysteries Set in the Universe of The Vampire Mysteries.
• Bigger Is Better: You want your cover blurb to be printed much larger than the interior typeface, preferably in raised, embossed, metallic candy-apple red letters. When choosing a font size, a good rule of thumb is looking at old newspaper headlines about various airship disasters.
• Use Swears: If anyone argues against this eye-catching approach, using swears will work on them as well.
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