Though using quantum-leaping lasers to divide segments of the space-time continuum would theoretically capture a slice of life, it could make the universe implode. Safely and professionally preserve your image and likeness with today's Groupon: for $69, you get an in-studio professional headshot portrait session for one person (a $150 value) and one digital file (a $75 value) at Korey Howell Photography (a $225 total vaue).
Korey Howell’s sharp shooters create a vibrant, enjoyable atmosphere during sessions inside their cozy indoor studio outfitted with professional lighting and a menagerie of backdrops. For 30 minutes, portrait sitters can alternate which teeth they air out while gazing soulfully into the distance, as photographs snap unlimited exposures of heads and shoulders. Once the shutter has clicked its last, subject and artist sit together in a digital dark room, combing through the recently frozen images to select the most professional head tilt and most flattering half-closed eyelid. The magic of Photoshop spruces up any skin imperfections, smoothing away blemishes or mustard kisses from the lunch fairy. Clients will then leave the studio with a low-resolution digital file they can post on business websites and social-media sites.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Identifying Poisonous Plants
Poison Ivy
- Identifying Characteristics: This perilous plant sprouts trifoliate, almond-shaped leaflets that differentiate it from "true" ivy, which only grows on the sides of America's best colleges.
- Effects of Exposure: Itchiness, fear of phobias, bones falling off
- Antidote: Rub affected areas against all of your body's clean, unaffected areas in order to sterilize the infection.
Poison Oak
- Identifying Characteristics: This toxic topiary looks identical to a beautiful butterfly, but unlike a butterfly, it must never be eaten.
- Effects of Exposure: Overall elevated mood, increased self-confidence, seeing potential mates as more attractive, a.k.a. "poison goggles"
- Antidote: Overpower the affected area with soothing snake venom, then neutralize the snake venom by injecting snake blood, which is obviously immune to the venom.
Poison Sumac - Identifying Characteristics: This harmful hedge is better known by its Latin name, bears. Unlike most plants, which are stationary and green, this free-roaming, furry flora is identifiable by its gnashing teeth and lust for blood.
- Effects of Exposure: Being opened by their claws and getting dragged back to their hibernation holes
- Antidote: If you accidentally rub up against a sumac and her cubs, attempt to appease them by regurgitating heaping gobs of honey into their mouths until they fall asleep.
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