Inaccessible to the hands, back musculature often falls prey to freeloading Kick Me signs and hitchhiking parrots. Liberate a beleaguered back with today's Groupon to Longevity Wellness Group. Choose between the following options:
For $39, you get a chiropractic-service package (a $155 total value). The package includes:
- A one-hour chiropractic massage (an $80 value)
- A MyoVision stress-analysis body scan (a $75 value)
For $59, you get a 90-minute chiropractic massage (a $195 value).
The licensed massage therapists at Longevity Wellness Group suss out sources of tension with innovative MyoVision scans and obliterate them with chiropractic-massage treatments. During the massage, staffers employ Swedish and Esalen techniques to soothe aching muscles, restore the body's balance, and stimulate blood circulation and rumors about toe layoffs in the body. Chiropractic massage can assist clients with maladies such as back pain or high blood pressure, and it can quicken recovery from surgery.
The 90-second MyoVision scan reads the voltage emitted by muscles to help the therapist to customize the patient's massage session. A NASA scientist designed the noninvasive, computerized scan as a way to determine if visiting extraterrestrials are seeking wholesale destruction of human society or just backrubs.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Big Clocks
Today, most clocks are small enough to be worn on the wrist, but there’s still one island nation where privately owned timepieces are illegal: England. There, they rely on a socialist network of gigantic, publicly viewable chrono sculptures. Here’s a look at the most famous of Britain’s big clocks:
Big Ben: Often called The Pride of England, Big Ben is the world's largest four-faced clock, with each face set to one of the four different time zones of the four original British colonies—America, Australia, The Remainder of the World, and Terabithia. Although Big Ben is technically the name of the bell inside the clock, there is no evidence that this bell actually exists, as a terrifying hourly chiming sound scares away anyone who attempts to get close enough to look.
King Clock: Frequently called The Pride of Great Britain, King Clock stands more than 100 meters (or about 330 feet) tall, and keeps perfect time with the help of an internal atomic clock, developed by Swiss physicists to never accidentally turn into a pinprick-size black hole that would distort space-time in such a way to cause the clock to be slightly inaccurate, as well as erasing gravity. Like all things that are similar, Big Ben and King Clock are hated rivals.
Lil' Ticker, the Clock That Could: Widely known as The Pride of the British Isles, Lil' Ticker is the world's smallest clock tower, standing a paltry 20 feet high when it's not drooping from an accumulation of rainwater, wilting in a particularly warm sunbeam, or just slouching out of melancholy. Will Lil' Ticker one day grow up to be the biggest clock tower in all of England? The answer is no—buildings do not work that way … yet.
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