Hands have often altered the course of American history with their stress-relieving powers, from the comforting handshake that ended the Civil War to the reassuring shadow-puppet debate that won Grover Cleveland the presidency. Celebrate historical handiwork with today’s Groupon: for $23, you get a one-hour massage at Oak Haven Massage (a $46 value).
Oak Haven Massage's team of more than 25 licensed therapists alleviates sore musculature with an arsenal of massage techniques that alternates between gentle pressure and firmer, controlled strokes. Deep-tissue massages uproot weeds of anxiety as therapists plow fresh fields of serenity and decrease muscular tightness. Full-body Swedish massages perform relaxing kneads to assuage aches caused by catnaps in office ventilation ducts, while sports massages stretch and revitalize joint flexibility to decrease the risk of athletic injuries.
Open seven days a week with more than 330 appointment times available each day, Oak Haven Massage offers ample opportunity to escape the stresses of a busy workweek. The 30 treatment rooms soothe visitors with soft brown walls and plush massage beds as therapists vary strokes to ensure an optimum ratio of oohs to aahs. A list of add-ons available for any massage includes aromatherapy with custom-blended oils and an exfoliating dry-skin brush ($10.99 each, not included in Groupon).
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Making a Wish
Throughout the day, the superstitious are afforded numerous opportunities to better their lives through making a wish. What are some tips to rising to the next wish-making occasion?
• Wishing Wells: Like most things in life, you get what you pay for. Though a wishing well's suggested minimum donation is 25 cents (save your pennies for the mall fountain outside the Cinnamon Xpress®), you can sweeten your wish a little by wrapping it in a check for $750. Or, simply whisper your wish into the HDMI port of a gently used plasma screen before chucking it in downward into the rattling darkness.
• Shooting Stars: Most dreams wished upon a shooting star don't come true because the wish casters don't finish the job. Drive at top speed to the smoldering impact site to confirm that the falling star is actually a fully undressed spaceman. He should be hugging his knees to his chest and ready to exchange wishes for Earth clothing and a room above your garage.
• Birthday Candles: Triple your annual wish-making potential each year by wishing for a genie. Do not, however, ask the genie to grant you the wish of additional birthdays, as the genie's legendary love of ironic interpretation will cause him to transform you into an extremely old man. Remember: the only truly safe way to wish for more wishes is to wish for garbage bags full of money.
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