A perfect table setting requires pristine linens and polished cutlery, except at off-Broadway restaurants where waiters set every table in postapocalyptic Vienna. Avoid avant-garde eating with today’s Groupon: for $10, you get $20 worth of diner fare at Patsy's Cafe.
Patsy's Cafe's flavor architects conjure house-made sauces and dressings to anoint the American diner entrees showcased on the menu. Table denizens can moisten arid maws with meal-prefacing Texas Roadhouse nachos ($7.95), which sneak tortilla chips into mouths under a savory cloak of black beans, cheese, and jalapeños outfitted with a guacamole moustache to solidify the ruse. Then quench sandwich yearnings by ordering the Sandra Bullock ($8.95), which permeates the distance between slices of guacamole-smeared toast with smoked turkey, bacon, gooey melted swiss cheese, and enough charm to net a romantic comedy with mediocre writing $200 million at the box office. Half racks of pork ribs brushed with Patsy's signature barbecue sauce, alternatively, crash the culinary party with an entourage of mashed potatoes and vegetables.
Colorful painted tables and chairs set the stage for cuisine-disappearing acts, while a vivid mural backdrops the eatery's actual stage. Wednesday–Saturday nights, mealtime is soundtracked by live music performed by the likes of JT Junior, the Harmony Brothers, and a mime that churns out power ballads on one of 67 in-house imaginary pianos.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Recognizing Sports Balls
Though many sports exist that do not require the usage of a ball—such as running, swimming, and quicksand escaping—most professional athletes agree that to make it in the big leagues, you must be able to recognize the following balls:
Footballs: These “balls” aren’t balls at alls! A symmetrical tapered ovoid, pigskins can more accurately be called pig eggs because of their shape and their actual biological origins. The shape of a football allows you to throw a tight spiral, although this is only provable by first affixing it with a grenade of dazzling colored smoke.
Basketballs: The exact color, size, and shape of a pumpkin, these dimpled spheres are crisscrossed with black boundary lines—this is because each basketball is also a miniature basketball court! Gut it and lay it flat like an open newspaper for an exciting game of overturned ant farm vs. army men.
Golf Balls: These handheld esophagus-clogging beauties keep players from being dishonest when they jot down their score—you’ve probably heard the old golfers' expression “the more you cheat, the more you eat!” Golf-ball ingestion is responsible for more hospital visits than shark attacks and mechanical-shark attacks combined.
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