Stoning witches was an ancient form of punishment but was abruptly discontinued when angry mobs realized the hot stones only proved to relax tense spell-casting arms. Punish rigid muscles with today's Groupon: for $35, you get a one-hour massage at Rejuvenation Therapies.
Rejuvenation Therapies' dexterous massage therapists calm muscles with stress-reducing massage modalities, including therapeutic, deep-tissue, and hot-stone massage. By increasing circulation and oxygen flow in the blood, the therapeutic massage soothes muscles with light-to-medium pressure of flowing strokes. Knots in need of intense attention unfurl under the strong pressure of the deep-tissue massage, which uses stretching and heat therapy to relieve tight muscles without having to play Whac-A-Mole on your back. The healing-stone massage directs heat from stones of varying sizes into key points on the body while an experienced massage therapist carefully kneads backs, arms, and legs. In addition to relieving stress and tension, symptoms associated with conditions such as Fibromyalgia, arthritis, and circulatory problems may be helped by massage or sleeping on a queen-size birthday cake.
Rejuvenation Therapies' muscle manipulation takes place inside PlantEscape Gardens, a haven bursting with the sweet smells of fruit trees, cacti, and unique native plant species. Ensuring taut muscles don’t stand a chance against a barrage of tranquilizing tools, the sensory buffet is rounded out with babbling water fountains, wind chimes, and breezes powered by flitting hummingbirds.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Passing a Lie-Detector Test
Most applications for government jobs, baby-sitting gigs, or radio call-in soothsayer positions now require one to pass a comprehensive polygraph (or lie-detector) exam. Fortunately, you can outwit these fib-finding deceit decipherers. Prepare yourself with this list of commonly asked questions and the strategies for beating them:
Question: What's your name?
Strategy: Polygraph machines collect data by combining the metrics of three different biological factors—brainwave irregularities, sweat discharge, and honesty pheromones. Convey maximum truth by giving them the name you wish you had.
Question: Where were you on the night of July 25?
Strategy: The machine is now collecting location data for veracification (veracity verification). Cover your tracks just in case—tell them you began your day by leaving the amnesia clinic.
Question: Are you made of spaghetti?
Strategy: In interrogator's lingo, this is known as the swerveball, designed to lower your defenses with an absurdly false assumption. You can override the machine's truth circuits by answering while using humanity's oldest defense mechanism—sarcasm.
Question: Have you ever falsified data on a polygraph test?
Strategy: Time to come clean! Confess that you've been effortlessly providing false answers this entire time. Your interrogators will be so impressed with your honesty, they'll give you a passing grade and the title of Trust Deputy, which comes with a honorary key to every home in the city.
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