Paintball is a lot like chess in that both require complex strategizing, and both are almost impossible to win against autonomous robots. Play paintball against other fallible humans with today's Groupon: for $20, you get four hours of refereed paintball play, choice of Alpha Black or Tippmann 98 Custom marker, mask, CO2, and 500 Draxxus paintballs at Stunt Ranch Paintball (a $40 value). This Groupon is valid on Saturday or Sunday during public play.
Five varied, well-maintained playing fields and a rousing assortment of game styles are available for players of all skill levels at Stunt Ranch Paintball. Strap on your provided armor, stock up your shooter, and select your preferred version of multi-hued mayhem, whether you wish to practice team-based treachery in Capture the Flag or train for the paint parliament’s secret service with a game of Protect the VIP. Crawl on your belly over rocks and dash between nesting snipers with the whiz of small paint-filled capsules humming past your ears; then open fire, tucking, rolling, and shouting in slow-motion, with your enemies, best friends, or co-workers decimated in a barrage of pigments. Unlike corrupt Peloponnesian War referees, Stunt Ranch’s staff members are friendly to all splatter Spartans and quick to disqualify elephants.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Beer Sophistication
As one progresses into adulthood, beer stops being the preeminent beverage of brazen yield-sign theft and the liquid catalyst for fisticuffs between anthropomorphic college mascots.
Adult beverages warrant adult behavior and none more so than the sophisticated microbrews, imported stouts, and männlagers chosen for Thinking While Drinking Magazine's annual list of most sophisticated beers. Here are last year's entrants:
- Sexy Skeleton Pressed-Tofu Cider
- Gargam Ale—The Smurf-Squeezed Brew That's a Milky Blue
- Rooster in a Waistcoat: The French? Beer
- Nightmare Fuel Porter—As Dark as the Night That Took Your Prom Date
- PaterBrau, the Premier Liquid Regret Dampener for Estranged Adult Sons
- Anything served in a novelty Phillies helmet
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