Bodies that are properly cared for perform better, which explains why most Olympic records are held by reanimated mummies. Go for the pharaoh's gold with today’s Groupon: for $65, you get a 60-minute peppermint massage at Westlake Wellbeing (a $135 value). Other scents are also available to customers besides peppermint.
Westlake Wellbeing's licensed massage therapists draw upon extensive experience while guests relax amid meditation bowls and handmade artwork illumined by natural light. Soothing massage strokes glide across backs on a swell of organic Naturopathica peppermint body balm, loosening muscle knots as the balm hydrates skin. The massage boosts circulation and causes toxins to surf away from muscles on the waves of the eager lymphatic system. An exfoliating sugar scrub burnishes calluses on the feet as a heat treatment warms toes, instep arches, and messenger's wings folded into ankles. After the massage, which takes up all 60 minutes of one regulation-length hour, therapists blanket backs and necks in herbal steamed towels to help eradicate lingering muscle tension. Clients can request alternate scents or oils for the massage if the smell of peppermint calls forth unpleasant memories of embarrassing Candy Land defeats.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Surviving a Power Outage
Since Prometheus first stuck a copper tube into a fire to create electricity, man has relied on the surging strength of these charged particles to power his home and his life. If your power goes out, adhere to the following guidelines until it comes back on:
• Stay Calm: Or, if you're scared, start screaming.
• Get Prepared: Every household should have an emergency kit containing a flashlight, first-aid equipment (gauze, etc.), second-aid equipment (crossbows, etc.), and a year's supply of blood.
• Find Your Family: Huddle tightly in a central room of your home to silently decide whom you will eat first, when it comes to that.
• Strike First: It's only a matter of time before your neighbors ransack your house looking for food and spouses. Attack them preemptively, but be not distracted by baubles of gold and rubies—it's their bank of seeds that is most precious now.
• Wait Patiently: If you're a fool, that is. In the dark world you now live in, strength is the only law. Fashion yourself a crown of bricks and beaks, coronate yourself the Forever King, and declare your fingernail clippings the sole currency.
• Check the Fuse Box: Even if the power turns back on, you can't be prosecuted for crimes and seditions committed in the dark.
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