Groublogpon – The Serious Blog of Groupon

In the effort to shed light on the murky details of Groupon culture, our Editorial Department present another edition of “Behind the Deals”.

Groupon, like any thriving business, owes a tiny portion of its success to its employees. In addition to making prospective staff members prove they can live for a year on nothing but Groupons, the company puts them through a unique interview process. Here are just a few of the questions asked at a typical interview:

5: How would you negotiate a hostage situation while simultaneously promoting Groupon?

9: How many pens can you fit in your mouth?

10: Why do you know that?

24: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? What year is it there?

115: Here are some tools. Quickly make a rock so heavy that you yourself cannot lift it.

179: Why have all the cowboys gone?

312: Have you been a ghost this entire time?

539: If you’re so smart, why didn’t you invent Groupon?

1000: Are you still here?

In a continued effort to spread the word about Groupon culture, our editorial department expands on the topic with another “Behind the Deals” post.

If the body is a temple, then the desk is the corn field that sits just outside the temple, and the boss is the sun that sits above the corn field that sits outside the temple, which is the body. Here are some of the things found in every Groupon cornfield.

ComputerCluster: A single computer might be able to contain the creativity of an ordinary employee, but a Groupon employee needs more creative space. That’s why he gets two computers, tied together with Ethernet cables for twice the connectivity.

Automated Authorization Automaton: Security is more important now than ever, and Groupon does its best to make sure its employees feel safe. That’s why it’s installed the Automated Authorization Automaton (AAA). Every two hours, this adorable little robot takes a blood sample from each employee—this ensures the employee is still at his desk and hasn’t replaced himself with a grizzly bear.

A stapler: It also works as a paperweight.

Motivational Communicator: Groupon understands that people sometimes feel down, in the dumps, sad, or discouraged. To keep employees motivated, Groupon reminds them who pays their bills by equipping every workstation with tiny, invisible speakers that repeat the word “Groupon” in a soothing voice throughout business hours and well into night.