Less prone to explosions, bird collisions, and painful butt-burns, the Segway has edged out the jetpack as the official ride of the 23rd century. Today's Groupon gives you the chance to practice on these leisurely chariots of fire lest the future overtake you at 12.5 miles per hour. For $30, you get a one-hour Segway tour of Boston or Cambridge from Boston Gliders Segway Adventures. You'll also get a photo DVD with 40–60 snapshots documenting the day's intense Segway chase scenes, giving this Groupon a total value of up to $80. A reservation is required, and groups of more than six people will be split. Arrive 20 minutes early and wear comfortable shoes.
On your Boston tour, you'll shove off from Christopher Columbus Park and roll along Boston Harbor before hooking a sharp left on one wheel toward the Seaport District. After gliding through the Boston Harbor Arches, you'll speed over the Northern Avenue Bridge into the Seaport District. After taking in the Federal Court House, ICA, Children's Museum, and more, you'll loop back through the sculptures and interactive art of the Rose Kennedy Greenway to your starting point. Smashing through plate glass, overturning fruit carts, and leaping between Segways to engage in feats of derring-do are optional and highly discouraged. The Cambridge route is no less exciting than the Boston circuit, curving through Harvard, Kendall, and Central squares before leaping over 16 exploding school buses.
Boston Gliders Segway Adventures not only gives you a new way to subtly veer away from an awkward conversation topic; it also gives out-of-towners a chance to see the city without scuffing the finish on their brand-new wooden feet. Even locals will gain a fresh perspective on their home turf from a Segway's ped-propelled perch. Since driving a Segway requires nothing but the ability to lean and the willingness to become an object of extreme envy, a tour accommodates both the very old (but young at heart) and the very young (but old at heart).
Segway riders younger than 18 must have parental consent; all riders must weigh at least 100 pounds.
Reviews
TripAdvisors are enamored with Boston Gliders Segway Adventures, doling out a near-perfect 4.5 owl eyes:
- We saw more in the couple hours on the gliders than we ever would have by just trying to see the city ourselves. Anyone visiting Boston should deffinately [sic] make this part off their trip! – MissAliBaba
- My wife and I had a great time riding segways for the first time in Boston. The prep video can make you nervous, but ride was fantastic. The machine becomes part of you in just a few minutes. – jwgrenning
- We saw more in 2 hours than we have seen in the past 20 years! The only way to get around the city and see the sights – and have a blast in the process! – griz317
Groupon Says
The Segway Path to Freedom
Segways are the most historically accurate way of observing some of our fledgling nation's most revered Segway-related historical sites. Experience Boston the way our founding fathers did when you visit:
The site of Benjamin Franklin's historic kite experiment, wherein a kite comprised of thin, gold-leaf foil was connected to a Segway by way of a conductive tether. This kite attracted the lightning, whose electricity was then harnessed to power the Segway—which, until that point, had been largely pulled by oxen or floated down rivers by truant youths. Fun fact: the lightning also bestowed Franklin with his signature white hairstreak.
The location of the "shot heard 'round the world," a musket ball unintentionally fired when a half-blind mule named Gracie mistook a discarded rifle for a bundle of tobacco barley. Her excess chewery caused the rifle to fire into the airbrushed red chassis of one of His Majesty's Segways. In an extraordinary phenomenon that eyewitnesses later described as "[unintelligible bray]", the musket ball rocketed outside, where it proceeded to ricochet off every surface it encountered until it had literally circumnavigated the globe, finally embedding itself harmlessly in Benedict Arnold.
The exact spot where Aaron Burr fatally shot Alexander Hamilton's gyroscopic tilt center, for which he was strongly admonished by local press and forced to reimburse Hamilton in freshly minted silver coins bearing his own face and, on the reverse side, a heron to represent humility.
Comment on our feelings board
