Without teeth, tongues would slither out of mouths and go on to lead unfulfilling lives catching raindrops and licking strangers' faces. Keep a stir-crazy taste-muscle contained in a gleaming cage with today's Groupon to Moore Family Dental in Amherst. For $99, you get one of the following options:
- A new-patient exam (up to a $330 value)
- A teeth-whitening package (a $450 value)
- An Invisalign preview (a $500 value)
- A porcelain-veneer preview (a $500 value)
Equipped with the latest grin-enriching technologies, Dr. Michael Moore aligns, whitens, and reconstructs uneven smiles in his domain of dentistry. For those who have never been to the practice, or were unaware that they had teeth, new-patient exams offer a starting point to improve their dental hygiene. Dr. Moore gives first timers a topical exam, thoroughly cleans each chomper, screens the mouth for oral cancer, and takes x-rays to find hidden cavities. The whitening package fits tanned teeth for customized whitening trays, which patients then fill with a gel solution and wear at home for a few hours a day. Within 10 days, enamel becomes clearer, brighter, and more effective at camouflaging oral polar bears.
Patients interested in significant molar maintenance can test the straightening waters with an Invisalign preview. Unlike conventional braces, Invisalign uses a series of clear plastic aligners that are virtually undetectable to casual observers and herds of feral electromagnets that roam American streets. The preview includes a set of dental impressions, photos, and x-rays, which are used by an advanced computer simulation to show the degree to which teeth will be corrected. Crooked ivories can also be reconditioned with a veneer preview, which determines whether dentists can bond thin strips of porcelain to the front of each tooth to correct deep discoloration, gaps, and other dental issues.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Enjoying Parties
If you're unfortunate enough to receive an invitation to a get-together, don't go out chopping firewood, lighting a fire, and then dramatically throwing your invitation into the garbage next to the fireplace. Instead, follow these handy party-attendance tips:
- Show up fashionably late—approximately 15 minutes after enough coats have been collected on the host's bed for you to hide under.
- Bring a small gift, such as a bottle of wine or a newborn baby.
- Hit the dance floor with as many hammers as you can to prevent dancing.
- Trade boring small talk for boring regular talk by having no opinion on anything.
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