If left to its own devices, a house will forswear bathing, fill its interior with half-chewed Doritos, and refuse to clean up after its dust bunnies. Show your home who's boss with today’s Groupon: for $49, you get a four-room house cleaning from The Cleaning Pixies (a $99.99 value).
The Cleaning Pixies's team of trained dust-bunny trappers whip domiciles into shape by following its multipoint house-cleaning checklist. The grime-fighting fairies rejuvenate crumb-filled kitchens by scrubbing microwave walls, eliminating stuck-on grease from stove tops, and wiping down cabinet doors. Living rooms receive a thorough dusting, vacuuming, and surface cleaning to remove lingering dirt and houseguests. The purifying professionals also transform showers, toilets, and bathroom floors into grime-free, glistening surfaces. A fresh set of linens and a ceiling-fan dusting perk up bedrooms. Environmentally minded patrons can also opt for an all-natural cleaning performed with green products that may better suit homeowners with certain allergies. Unlike a person golfing in a phone booth, the business always follows through, returning to clients' homes if any checklist items are missed.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Avoiding the Common Cold
Recently, the cattle disease Rinderpest was officially eradicated, making it only the second disease in history to be completely wiped out (the first was unhappiness). Unfortunately, greedy doctors are no closer to wiping out their noncurable cash cow: the common cold. Here's how you can avoid catching this all-too-common illness:
- Never associate with "common" folks, only the super rich, whose transplanted, computerized immune systems shield them from disease.
- Steer clear of drafty areas, such as wind tunnels and whistling competitions.
- Make your own vaccine by kissing as many sick people as you can.
- If you feel sick, you need plenty of water and rest, so hire someone trustworthy to continuously spray water on you while you sleep.
- Take vitamins. Specifically, take them from your neighbors, because there's only so much health to go around.
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