As December 23, 2012, approaches, many Americans eagerly await the moment when Hades will emerge from the Underworld to recklessly devour raw egg. Until then, experience man-made terror with today's Groupon: for $13, you get two tickets (a $26 value) to the 13 Fears haunted house in Shepherdsville.
Newly designed for 2010 and armed with an arsenal of pulse-pounding props, 13 Fears gives guests a multifaceted walking tour of terror. Throughout two frightening floors, seasoned shriek extractors unleash a bombardment of torments that leaves even the most valiant visitors asking for their mothers and aromatherapy bath salts. Light sources such as cell phones and baked Alaskas are strictly prohibited, leaving guests little more than their six senses and the frenetic flashes of strobe lights to guide them through the macabre residence, which is packed with fog machines, pneumatic props, and vile visions drawn from horror movies and other scare sources. The element of surprise, left off the periodic table due to its dangerous effects on weak-hearted chemists, amplifies the dread inspired by the chilling home inspection, which runs until 1 a.m. Fridays and Saturdays.
Though some say 13 is the unluckiest number, on Halloween, the number 1 might be even worse. As in, no one should enter 13 Fears all by their lonesome. Rife with the tormented souls of the dead and nearly dead, the enclave terrorizes each guest with every step they take.