Unlike most animals, which will bite, quill-sting, or bray with disappointment at every person they see, dogs love humans, but their unsophisticated vocal cords make it hard to communicate with us. Here's a guide to what your canine companion's yelps are really saying:
- Bark!: "I love you! Please sloppily eat a chili dog and let me lick the detritus off your beard!"
- Ruff!: "Who am I? What is our relationship? I'm uncomfortable with you 'owning' me!"
- Woof!: "Do you think we'd be friends if I were a human? I bet we would still hang out. Is anyone working on that technology? On dog brain/human body transfer? If you paid for the human-making surgery up front, I'd totally get a job and pay you back. I want this to be a relationship of equals!"
- Bow-wow!: "OK, not a lot of interest in the humanity surgery. I get it. I won't bring it up again."
- Arf!: "Just think about it a little, though! Me! With a human body and a dog's face! I don't understand why you aren't more into this idea!"
- Yip!: "Everyone would ask, 'Who's this cool dude?' And I'd be like, 'I used to be this guy's dog, believe it or not!' I am definitely getting excited about this."
- Aw-oooh!: "I'd still be the same 'best friend' you've always had, but I'd also be a dog's head transplanted onto a human body. Which part are you not understanding?"
- Meow!: "Would you love me more if I were a cat? Would you?!"
- (Sigh) Bark…: "Whatever, man. I guess it's a dog's head and a dog's body for me. But I'm not happy about it."