Karate champions know that supreme mastery of the lethal art is dictated by meditation, nonviolence, and self-control. Because of this irony, all humans start as karate masters and become depreciably poorer at karate with each lesson they take. Here's a guide to punching and kicking your way through the different color-coordinated levels of karate:
- White Belt: Meant to blend seamlessly into your karategi (Japanese for combat pajamas), the white belt symbolizes that you are worried people will laugh if they find out your underdeveloped stomach muscles cannot hold up pants.
- Yellow Belt: The yellow belt is a portmanteau, indicating that you have mastered the first two karate skills—yelling and bellowing.
- Green Belt: This indicates that you have learned how to crush your opponent—so long as it's an aluminum can being rinsed and sorted for the recycling! Well done, Eco-Warrior!
- Purple Belt: You have mastered the deadly art of your own imagination. Dazzle and confuse the enemy with crude pastel drawings in which both your heads share a single body.
- Black Belt: The pupil has become the master, or, to put it in Western terms, the student has beaten up the teacher.