Falling asleep is already difficult enough because of daytime caffeine intake and anxiety about the number of spiders you’re statistically likely to swallow in your sleep each night. Put fears to rest with this breakdown of common nighttime noises:
Creaking: This is just the sound of the house settling, i.e., realizing it will never marry a wealthy, tastefully furnished mansion or a dashing, roguish houseboat, but that it could perhaps find some kind of happiness with a plain but able RV who is consistently full of groceries.
Cats Fighting in an Alley: No cause for alarm—this alarming act of violence is actually an alarming act of love. Afford them privacy, or, if you are gifted in this way, some romantic saxophone music.
Men’s Voices Shouting: This is most likely just the autorepeating DVD menu for Ken Burns’s epic 16-hour documentary American Burglar. Lower your head and fall back asleep to the soothing narration of disc eight's “Butchers, Bakers … and Candlestick Takers?”
A Dripping Faucet That Is No Longer Dripping When You Get Up to Attend to It: Don’t worry about an expensive plumbing bill—this is actually just the sound of you slowly going insane from sleep deprivation. Time to return to your bed so you can check out what kind of monstrous insect will be wearing your spouse’s pajamas and asking you what's wrong in their voice.