As more and more people abandon the standard 12-month calendar in favor of that new calendar where an entire year is represented by one long day called Brandcandman, it's getting harder to determine when the seasons are changing. Here are some sure-fire ways to tell if fall is here:

• Leaves changing colors
  
• Garbage cans filled with lawn chairs
  
• Mothers bringing Thanksgiving turkeys out of storage
  
• Sidewalks littered with hibernating birds
  
• Streets overrun with wild cows anticipating the return of the salt trucks
  
• Department stores selling wet, decaying leaves
  
• The airing of the episode of Friends where there's a Halloween party but they all decide not to go because everyone is suffering from a severe case of organ drooping
  
• Constant darkness
  
• Not being able to sleep
  
• Always being able to sleep
  
• Increased interest in lying on a cold wood floor
  
• Unshakable sadness
  
• Football season!