In addition to being a source of crucial information, newspapers can also be fanned across a coffee table to conceal almond butter stains or rolled into a handy bopping device to stun tarantulas. Get a steady supply of spider-boppers with today's Groupon: for $6, new subscribers get a 30-week, home-delivery Sunday subscription to the Times Union (a $90 value).
Founded in 1856 and purchased by William Randolph Hearst in 1924, the Times Union is an upstate New York institution. Its proximity to New York’s state capitol ensures that politics is a priority for the paper’s crack team of reporters, who train their eagle eyes on officials with a steady stream of award-winning stories. With this deal, you’ll receive home delivery of the Times Union’s Sunday edition, a behemoth bursting with news bulletins from all corners of the globe, as well as up-to-date coverage of sports, business, entertainment, health, travel, pets, parenting, and more. In addition, you’ll get access to the paper’s online e-edition Monday through Saturday, keeping a synthesized e-world at your dexterous toetips 24 hours a day.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Recognizing Your Dreams
Thanks to high-definition televisions and sodium-induced decreases in creative thinking, the line between dreams and reality is thinner than ever. Here's how to tell whether your memories are reality or merely dreams.
The Memory: You are flying.
Dream or Reality?: Dream. Despite million-fold increases in arts funding for schools, children remain unable to harness the power of their imaginations to free themselves from Earth's gravity. Scientists believe that when everyone on Earth is pure of heart, flight will be possible.
The Memory: You've just won a trophy of some sort.
Dream or Reality?: Reality. Thanks to over-spending on extraneous subjects such as art and music, many schoolchildren grow up fostered in an environment of constant reward and positive feedback, leaving them thoroughly unprepared for the economic Darwinism of real life.
The Memory: You're the next Picasso.
Dream or Reality?: Dream. Although we are destroying our nation's financial stability by wasting billions of dollars every year on arts education, the truth is that all artists are parasites, except for those whose art is patriotic or makes clever use of discarded rubies.
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