Like glaciers and tectonic plates, teeth are slowly yet surely on the move as they attempt to turn their host’s mouth into frozen tundra and then rip it apart like a bite-size Pangaea. Defeat devious teeth with today’s Groupon: for $2,799, you get a complete Invisalign treatment. This Groupon can be redeemed at three different practices: Andover Cosmetic Dental Group, Concord Woods Dental Group, and Advanced Dental Care of Falmouth.

Invisalign straightens crooked chompers with a combination of highly advanced, 3-D computer graphics and the spells of old-fashioned orthodontia. The Invisalign process eschews cumbersome braces for clear, removable aligners that are virtually invisible to the unclothed eye. An initial 30-minute exam, including x-rays, photos, and impressions of your mouth terrain, paves the way for a flurry of calibrated teeth sheaths that are designed to slowly shift walnut crackers into perfect alignment. Depending on the client’s teeth, as few as 12 or as many as 48 separate aligners will need to be worn during a period of 6–24 months before the straightening effect self-actuates in a sudden burst of pink smoke and slobber. Aligners are only removed when eating, brushing, flossing, or modeling a finely clenched jaw.

Skilled dentists at all three practices check up on the treatment’s progress during follow-up appointments every four to six weeks. Curious clients can check Andover Cosmetic Dental Group’s online FAQ to learn answers to common quandaries such as what one can and can’t eat and why tooth fairies hoard quarters.