According to Newton's Fourth Law, the more you drive your car, the more debris it attracts—repelling aerodynamics, the opposite gender, and gravity itself. Smooth your horseless carriage's exterior with today's deal: for $69, you get a full European car detailing from Autscope Motorsports, a $225 value. This deal is valid only at its new and impeccably future-clean Park Cities location on Denton Drive.

Once wheeled into Autoscope's cavernous repair bay, your steel steed's full scrub-and-rub bath time begins with a thorough exterior wash that scrubs the bugs off the grill, gets the grime off the wheels and wheel wells, and rubs the muck off the underside of the bumper. The car-clean experts will rub it down from its belly to rearview ears with Clay-Bar to hit clinging barnacles, followed with a dose of compound to get deep into the paint and reverse any seafaring-related damages. Finally they'll apply a sealant to preserve your car's verve and repel anything composed of potentially filthy matter. Meanwhile, an interior cleaning wipes off peanut butter on the dashboard, vacuums up globs of peanut butter embedded in the carpet, and spoons old peanut butter out the ashtray to make a peanut butter sandwich. They'll also clean, lotion, and condition your leather till it shines like a beautiful, peanut buttery mane. For the coup de grace, Autoscope's detail-devotees slather your ride with a thick coat of wax that's more creamy than chunky.

Either watch your car be pampered in the car salon or divert yourself with the on-site racecar simulator broadcast on a 52-inch wraparound screen. After your machine is clean and shakes itself dry, stick it alongside its rival in Autoscope's tandem dynamometer and faux-drag race in place until the fumes make you giddy.