Eating outside is for dogs, but sometimes humans forget that and decide to have their lunch at a park, playground, or pet cemetery. If you’re considering eating a meal in a location that birds consider a toilet, here’s what you’ll need to bring:

• Portable, wine-soaked sponge to suck on
  
• A smellscape of cheeses and a dull knife to mash them with
  
• Mayonnaise sliders
  
• Handful of egg salad (warm it up in the sun before eating)
  
• Bocce ball set in case someone from Europe shows up
  
• A basket for collecting all the perfectly good chicken bones other picnics left behind
  
• Paper plates, napkins, and plastics forks to accidentally lock in the car
  
• Dessert fruit salad (made with melted ice cream instead of yogurt and sprinkles instead of fruit)
  
• Kids and/or friends so you don’t look like you just came there alone to watch other people eat in public because you think strangers look adorable when they chew