In a world without adults, taxes would have to file themselves, and the president, by default, would be a stack of dogs wearing a long overcoat. Celebrate your adulthood with this Groupon: for $65, you get $130 worth of designer adult merchandise and gifts from Jimmyjane online.
Web content related to this deal may contain graphic adult imagery unsuitable for minors or workplace viewing.
Jimmyjane fosters erotic exploration and passionate romances with a technologically advanced line of bedroom accouterments that sport a sleek and elegant look, garnering an Industrial Design Excellence Award for its line of adult gifts each year since 2007, as well as press features from such magazines as Glamour, Vogue, and GQ. For discrete yet potent pulses, the Little Chroma vibrator series ($125), equipped with replaceable motors, can emit warm or cold sensations as they deliver tremors that are almost as silent as a mime pleading the Fifth Amendment. Or fine-tune four vibration modes and five power levels with the Form 2 ($145), a waterproof vibrator with dual motors, cordless recharging, and Jimmyjane's three-year warranty. Otherwise, clients can peruse a lineup of The Usual Suspects, which includes the Iconic Rabbit ($100) and Iconic Bullet ($16). Afterglow massage-oil candles ($29), replete with a porcelain pour spout for drizzling wick-heated oil onto lovers or stressed-out salads, rev up olfactory motors by floating scents of dark vanilla, bourbon, and pink lotus throughout the room. The Thrill Seeker pleasure set ($89) also helps kindle passions, bundling Tcho chocolate bars, an anthology of Best Women's Erotica from 2011, and a Hitachi Magic Wand, whose massaging head can remedy soreness and transform irksome admirers into frogs with well-placed taps.
Built from FDA-approved body-safe materials, all of Jimmyjane's products embrace a hygienic approach to personal pleasure, unlike getting a massage from an uncooked chicken. Though this Groupon does not cover shipping costs, Jimmyjane offers free U.S. shipping via FedEx Ground on all orders.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Writing an Urban Legend
Everyone secretly wants to believe in scary stories that might be true. Indulge your friends' gullibility with these tips to crafting the perfect urban legend:
• Make sure the story takes place somewhere nearby, on a similar night—ideally exactly 100 years ago to the night. Or on the devil’s birthday.
• Always include an animal that turns out to be a different animal or an animal where one does not belong—like a dog that is actually a rat, or an alligator in the bathroom of the Museum of Alligator Safety.
• Tweak the details—it's only a few letters’ difference to change "gardener" to "murderer," and only a small white lie to change "was valued by the community" to "possessed double hook hands and a thirst for marrow."
• Always carry "proof"—this can be a monster's tooth carved from soap, a faded newspaper article created in Photoshop, or a scrap of the victim's clothing that is actually just a scrap of clothing you ripped off a terrified hiker you chased through the woods.
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