Though commonly thought to be mere gibberish, the letters on eye charts are actually powerful incantations that, when spoken aloud, keep the sky-wolves from devouring the sun. Keep ocular predators at bay with today's Groupon: for $59, you get an eyeglass exam (a $75 value) and a $200 credit toward prescription glasses at Embassy Opticians (a $275 total value).
Embassy Opticians' board-certified ocular experts utilize 150 years of combined experience to closely inspect eyes and outfit them with the appropriate frames and lenses. Since 1960, professionals at the Dupont Circle shop have evaluated patients' peepers through thorough exams, reviewing medical histories, checking for ocular diseases, and determining visual acuity and its relationship to chewing-gum preferences. After exams, the savvy staffers aid in adorning noses with flattering frames by Lafont ($250+), Austin Reed ($140+), Gucci ($295+), and many other designers. Groupon customers can use their $200 credit toward a new pair of bifocals or one lonely monocle but cannot request replacements to old glasses or contacts.