Some washing machines rotate at the inverse velocity of time, creating tiny wormholes just large enough to transport a single sock into another dimension. Keep garments clean and in this universe with today's Groupon: for $19, you get $40 worth of laundry and dry-cleaning services at Got Laundry Chicago, with free pick-up and delivery within its service areas.
Got Laundry Chicago's tidying troupes pick up bundles of clothes, sheets, shoes, and tablecloths from houses, apartments, and assisted-living facilities, then clean, repair, and return them in approximately two days. With basic laundry and dry-cleaning services available at $2 per pound, you can use this Groupon for four weekly pick-ups of 5 pounds, a single pick-up of 20 pounds, seven pick-ups of approximately 2.86 pounds, or another combination that adds up to 20 pounds. Got Laundry's launderers and laundresses arrive at doorsteps, remove the offending bundle, and transport it safely to a plant in Morton Grove. Standard laundry and dry-cleaning services include sorting for color and texture, washing, ironing, folding or hanging, and free delivery.
Additional services, which this Groupon is valid for, include cleaning and ironing bed sheets, beating and packaging rugs, publicly scrubbing and humiliating leather and suede, and altering and repairing dresses. Got Laundry plays laundry-Santa and gifts customers with free button replacements and minor clothing alterations, such as permanently removing patches of fire.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Spying
Though the Cold War ended in 1975, due to bad ratings, spies are as active as ever worldwide. What are some tips for aspiring spies?
- A good cover is essential. No one will suspect you are actually a super spy if you tell everyone that you are just a regular spy.
- You will need to send messages in indecipherable codes, such as a=@, b= "backward d", and swears = #@!$.
- For a good disguise, the CIA recommends any combination of Groucho Marx glasses, Chico Marx chinos, and Bozo Marx clown clothes.
- Get acquainted with the latest spy gadgets, such as Robo-Spy 4000, the automatic spying machine, or JetStream 9, the pen that is also a pencil.
- Learn sneaky spy tactics—such as telling everyone your real name or falling in love with every woman you meet—by watching James Bond documentaries.
- Getting your license to kill stamped 15 times gets you a free 8-inch sub.
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