With the economy in its current state, the most fiscally responsible plan of action is to quit your job to write a novel for teens that adults will read. Here, then, are all the bones that make up the skeleton of a good novel:

• Narration
  Your book will need a narrator. Your book can be…
  1st Person Perspective: Told from the point of view of the first character you come up with
  3rd Person Perspective: Told from the point of view of the weakest of three triplets
  Swear-word Thomas Perspective: Told from the point of view of town character, Swear-word Thomas
  

• Inciting Incident
  Your book needs a moment that starts off the story. It can be when…
  The mayor declares being in love illegal in this proud Space Station
  The family needs someone to fetch Lilly’s medicine from the capital, but Pa’s in the ground and Ma’s got the Fester Leg. Looks like it’s up to bookish little Tabitha Greenwood!
  The tornado gains sentience and a hatred of humanity after colliding with the computer factory
  

• Plot Structure
  Your book needs a plot structure. It can be…
  We learn about the characters in their pleasant if boring lives until the bad thing happens. The main person is sad about the bad thing but resolves to change it. They try to have some success but then something related to the main person’s main flaw makes the bad thing way worse than ever. Then something even worse happens. The main person wants to give up but through the power of not giving up fixes the bad thing and falls in love with the person they overlooked in favor of the hot person who turned out to be bad or neutral. They are happy in the end.
  Nothing Else
  

• An About the Author Photo
  Your About the Author photo should contain at least three of the following:
  Unkempt Hair
  Black Turtleneck
  Typewriter (symbolizes writing)
  A Rocky Beach
  A Labrador
  Thick Eyebrows