Buying a car is an intimidating experience. The man looks at you. He wants to sell you the car for more than it is worth. Beat the man. Beat the man until he cries with these tips:

• Always drive the car. This will let you make sure that it is free of the five most deadly species on earth and that it has a floor and the dealer isn’t Flintstone-ing you (a technique wherein the dealer sells you a car with no floor named after Flint Stone, an early dishonest car salesman).

• Immediately list everything you hate about the car. It has a nick here, a dent there. It is the same color as your rival’s eyes. You looked at them in a field. You were the last man to look at those eyes. Your rival sold you a lemon. He is gone.

• When the dealer says the price, scream. Oh, scream until your nose bleeds and all of creation fears your machinations. Oh, scream your voice raw, honey. Good heavens!

• Ride away on your bicycle. This was good practice for when you really decide to buy a car.