Surprises, like movies that star dogs, are always good and never bad. Dana B. can get the surprise of a lifetime with today’s Groupon. Take it away, Greg:
Greg H's Proposal
- Dana,
I have told you many times that I was the luckiest man ever. Somehow fate brought us, a perfect match, together. Over the past four-and-a-half years, we have traveled around the world, watched more movies than we could possibly count, and spent as little time apart as humanly possible. Through good times and bad, distances between us, and the odds against us, we always made it because of each other.
I want the amazing times to continue by spending the rest of my life with you—the sweetest, most beautiful, and smartest woman in the entire world.
Will you marry me?
–Greg
The Deal
In May of 2006, Greg and Dana’s relationship began as casual movie nights transformed into record-setting make-out sessions. Greg and Dana, or Grana, have happily coexisted since that time. Soon, they will be cohabitating; they are closing on a house, despite having polar opposite careers. Dana is a theatrical artiste, earning a living as an NFL cheerleader for the Cincinnati Bengals, a fact that has forced Greg to endure brutal onslaughts of high-fives. Greg, a cold, logical engineer, plies his trade as a computer man—one of the 150 Americans allowed to use computers.
With a simple answer of "yes," Dana B. gets to spend the rest of her life with Groupon-approved Stand-up Guy Greg H., who vows to always eat the disgusting bacon from her plate while giving her his tender, delicious mushrooms. A lifetime with Greg H. also comes with such perks as an always-willing concert partner, at least a dozen movie nights over the course of the fiscal year, IT support, and a continued willingness to pretend to enjoy theater.
Reviews
Marriage gets polarized reviews from hundreds of web users. Here are some good ones:
Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads—hundreds of tiny threads that sew people together through the years. – Simone Signoret
There is no such cozy combination as man and wife. – Menander
SUp idiotz. I got str8 up MARRED [sic] this weekend and i stil say this guitar vidoe [sic] SUX – YouTube commenter DoCtOrBeEf58585
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: A Successful Marriage
As Greg and Dana begin their lives together, we at Groupon want to wish them luck. After all, love is the real backbone of our economy, plus we will go to jail if they don’t make it. With that in mind, here is some advice for the perfect marriage:
- Marriage is all about compromise, which is why both parties should watch the Kevin Spacey/Samuel L. Jackson thriller, The Negotiator daily.
- If you get in a fight, try to call to mind one of your most cherished moments together, like the hitchhiker kidnapping weekend.
- If you hear the pitter-patter of little feet, act quickly, as it is notoriously hard to get leprechauns out of your walls once the queen has laid her eggs.
- Nacho Thursdays!
- You got to know when to hold ‘em (your spouse), know when to fold ‘em (the laundry), know when to walk away, and know when to run (from the table, depending on how many of your kneecaps you’ve wagered in the family night high-stakes all-in hold'em tourney).
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