America has always been the most extreme country, from the Boston Tea Punchings to having the first man swear on the moon. We hold this shredding guitar solo to be self-evident with today's Groupon: for $999, you get an action-adventure-hero stunt-training package from Stunt Ranch (a $2,349 value). The package includes:
- Five-hour Special-FX Pyro workshop at Pyro School (a $250 value)
- Paintball lesson and four hours of play for two people, including paintball gun, face shield, paint, and air at Stunt Ranch Paintball (a $160 value)
- Lock Picking for Action Heroes course (a $125 value)
- Stunt Driving Basics course (a $350 value)
- Essentials of Trapeze and High Wire Work course (a $169 value)
- Principles of Escape and Evasion for Action Heroes course (a $250 value)
- Hand-to-Hand Combat Basics for Action Heroes course (a $295 value)
- Stunt-fitness training (a $275 value)
- Two-hour Stunt Ranch birthday party for up to 10 people (a $475 value)
Aspiring action-adventure stars can schedule each component of the package at their leisure.
Assembled by Steve Wolf, the founder of Stunt Ranch and stunt coordinator for films such as Cast Away and TV shows such as Law & Order, the hero package combines classes and training into an action-packed regimen led by licensed instructors. The five-hour pyro workshop channels learners’ inner Hephaestus to safely blaze the basics of pyrotechnics into one’s educational repertoire. During the lesson, students acquire familiarity with show fireballs and squibs, ultimately firing off five movie-worthy explosions. At Stunt Paintball Ranch, customers bring along a friend to practice their targeting and pointillism skills on one of three to five active fields, each littered with a different combination of towers, obstacles, and sniper nests.
The lock-picking course instills the skills necessary to meticulously unlock little sisters' exploding diaries, whereas a stunt-driving-basics workshop ensures novice heroes know how to glide through tollbooths in the coolest way possible. Cultivate balance with a trapeze-and-high-wire-work course, and elude bad guys with knowledge culled from the escape-and-evasion course. Burgeoning heroes can defend their dojos from rivals after a tutorial in the basics of hand-to-hand combat, and enrich their newfound skills with stunt fitness training, which instills healthy eating and exercise habits to sustain a stunting lifestyle.
Daredevils can then display their skills to friends at a birthday party for up to 10 people of any age at Stunt Ranch. For two hours, friends swing from a zipline, tread over a low-ropes course, and enjoy a spacious picnic area. Food and drink are not provided, though carry-in feasts are welcome.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Archaeology
Archaeology is the science of digging up dirt to find morsels of broken ceramics and delicious bones to make history soup. Here’s a guide to executing an archaeological dig:
• Any location can be an archaeological site if you dig deep enough. Sift through your neighbor’s trash to find a wealth of information about how humans survive and where the catalogs go after you circle everything you want and leave them on your neighbor's doorstep.
• Digging for bones used to be outsourced to dogs, but ever since they embarrassed us at the dog park, humans have done our own digging. Be sure to bring a shovel, a trowel, and an insatiable need to destroy an earthworm's habitat.
• Archaeologists collect human bones to remind us that everyone in the past was a spooky skeleton until humans evolved to have flesh in the late 1950s and souls in the early 1990s.
• When an archaeologist finds a pottery fragment, he must also find the other fragments of the jar it came from and reassemble them, or risk being the only archaeologist who has never drunk mead from an ancient jar.
• Use carbon dating to find out how old fossils are. Carbon dating is a process in which scientists take fossilized carbon on a date and ask it questions about the 1970s to find out if it is old enough to remember that time period.
• If you can't find any fossils, make some of your own by putting a lizard in a tray of wet clay.
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