Giving yourself a massage, like throwing yourself a surprise birthday party or asking for your own hand in marriage, is a surefire disappointment. Leave kneading to the knowledgeable with today's Groupon: for $45, you get your choice of either a 50-minute relaxation massage (an $99.95 total value) or a 50-minute classic facial (a $109.95 total value) at Hand & Stone Massage. Both services include an aromatherapy treatment (a $10 value). Choose from four locations: Beaverton, Happy Valley, and Hillsboro in Oregon and Vancouver in Washington.
Hand & Stone Massage's licensed massage therapists oust tension and pore impurities with soothing massage and facial services. During the spa’s 50-minute relaxation massage, a trained physique refiner applies an arsenal of techniques to soothe individual muscle troubles, using firm but gentle strokes for sensitive spots, deep pressure for interior issues, and figure-8s for backs that love ice skating. The 50-minute classic facial takes a three-pronged approach, clarifying faces with a deep skin cleansing, revitalizing dull skin with exfoliation, and purging pores with extractions. An added dose of fragrant aromatherapy stirs the senses as skin is smoothed and invigorated. A therapeutic mask and moisturizer assuages the epidermis and balances hydration levels, and a calming neck-and-shoulder massage leaves upper halves radiant enough to garner longing looks from drivers' license photographers and mall caricaturists alike.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Temperature Scales
To determine whether a soft drink is cool enough to put out a small mouth fire or hot enough to melt restrictive pants into billowing shorts, scientists turn to one of their many temperature scales. Here's a look at the most popular hierarchies of heating:
Fahrenheit: The only temperature scale grand enough for the wide-open land of freedom we call the U.S. of A. Using this commonsense scale, water boils at 212 degrees—212 being the exact number of minutes you can stick your hand in boiling water for before it starts to hurt.
Celsius: Named after St. Celsion, patron saint of apocryphal headache remedies, this illogical scale has water freeze at 0 degrees and boil at 100 degrees, even though 100 has twice as many zeroes in it as the number 0 does, so if anything, 100 degrees should be twice as cold as 0 degrees.
Kelvin: In the Kelvin scale, absolute zero refers to the temperature at which all thermal motion ceases. The only thing that can withstand this extreme temperature is the cold heart of a man whose will to live has been extinguished by a lifetime of regret and sadness, a.k.a. all men.
McKinley: Named after President William McKinley, who routinely governed with such musings as "I'm too hot to president today," and "I'm cold. Let's invade my fireplace with an army of grahamed crackers and marshed mallows." On this scale, 100 degrees is the temperature at which the Spanish-American War breaks out.
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