Shedding weight grants the hard-working dieter entry at last to stylish hip-hugging jeans as well as the winding subterranean tunnels that lead to Al Gore's post-apocalypse storehouse of vegetable juice. Wrangle into stylish new locales with today's Groupon to Houston Medical Wellness Clinic, located near the Galleria. Choose between the following options:
- For $79, you get a gold weight-loss package (a $180 value). The package includes:
- A one-month prescription for appetite suppressants (if deemed necessary)
- Body analysis, including body-fat percentage, visceral-fat percentage, skeletal-muscle-mass percentage, resting metabolic rate, body-mass index, and body measurements
- Diet rules and menu guides
- Four vitamin B12 injections
- One-on-one consultation with medical doctor
- For $160, you get a one-month platinum weight-loss package (a $320 value). The package includes:
- A one-month prescription for appetite suppressants (if deemed necessary)
- Body analysis including body-fat percentage, visceral-fat percentage, skeletal-muscle-mass percentage, resting metabolic rate, body-mass index, and body measurements
- Complete blood work, including thyroid check, liver functions, kidney functions, cholesterol check, and electrolyte check
- Diet rules and menu guides
- One month of Lipo-tropic injections (four total)
- One-on-one consultation with medical doctor
Houston Medical Wellness Clinic’s certified medical staff consults with clients to map a custom blueprint for weight loss, analyzing personal-health data to program an effective regimen. To best assess weight-loss seekers’ status quo, the initial visit includes an in-office analysis of blood work that captures and crunches data on thyroid, kidney, and liver functions, as well as cholesterol and electrolytes. From this data, a personal diet plan and program book launch weight whittlers on a positive trajectory into health’s orbit. The packages also includes prescription appetite suppressants and injections of medical-grade vitamin B12, depending on an individual’s assessment and naturally occurring Flintstones vitamin content.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Finding Love
"True love comes to those who wait," proclaimed bachelor president James Buchanan as he signed the Federal Force Someone to Marry James Buchanan Act of 1860. Here’s how you can prepare for true love’s inescapable arrival:
- Age 7: Recognize that cooties aren't a real disease, just a figment of your imagination, like friendship.
- Age 15: Practice asking yourself out in the mirror. Keep working at it until your reflection ends up naked and you don't.
- Age 23: Your veins are coursing with love-craving hormones. Signal your desire for companionship by donating as much blood as you can everywhere.
- Age 40: Read up on history's great romances, such as Antony and Cleopatra, Charles Lindbergh and his harem of erotic clouds, and fathers and gin.
- Age 77: If you see a white light, go toward it. It’s probably love.
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