There is now more writing available on the Internet than the sum of all books ever written by millions of monkeys at millions of typewriters. Gird yourself for the coming Reading Wars with today's Groupon: for $70, you get a one-day, five-hour speed-reading class from The Iris Organization (a $199 value). Classes are held at the Marriott Downtown Eaton Centre on August 21, September 10, September 24, October 15, November 12, and November 20 from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Classes and locations will be routinely added based on demand, so make sure to check the website for new class times and locations.

Iris equips its students with the power to read quickly and effectively, reducing molasses-slow reading habits to rubble and replacing them with a laser-like ability to consume and comprehend literature. With a five-hour class, students will learn drills to drum up the speed of their reading, creative note-taking tips, and ways to better retain knowledge gathered during reading. Different mediums of information conveyance will also be covered, such as technical materials, magazines, newspapers, and websites. Past students have reported reading up to five times faster as a result of Iris's instruction, leaving more time for hobbies such as carpet weaving or ship-in-a-bottle smashing.