If we all screamed at once for ice cream, the resulting sonic boom would destroy the sun, turning the entire solar system into a freezer in which we could store more ice cream. Warm up your shoutin’ muscles with today's Groupon: for $9, you get $15 worth of assorted Unilever ice-cream treats at Jewel-Osco locations throughout Chicagoland. You must have a Jewel-Osco Preferred Customer Card to redeem this deal. Customers without a card can create an account before buying.
The dessert aisles at Jewel-Osco beckon sweet-tooth landlords with a plethora of frozen delectables, bestowing inimitable tastes from lauded brands such as Popsicle and Good Humor. Scoop up Breyers ice cream in flavors like the Breyers Blasts, available in Oreo Cookies & Cream and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (around $4.99). Or trade coffee sips for creamy java spoonfuls with Starbucks ice-cream products (around $3.99), keeping eyes from drooping during marathon sand-castle-construction sessions. Klondike ice-cream sandwich packages (around $3.99) in new Mint Chocolate Chip or What the Fudge? Brownie make for delicious after-lunch fare, and Ben & Jerry's (around $3.99) blends creative ingredients into concoctions including Red-Velvet Cake and Cherry Garcia, keeping jaded tongues on their toes.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Cover Blurbs
Many would-be authors are inspired by Ender's Game—the old literary game of writing the ending first—but few realize there is content after the ending that will affect book sales more directly: your cover blurbs. Here's a guide to getting the quote that will blurb your book right off the shelves:
• Aim High: Your parents, pastor, or parakeet would probably be pleased to praise your potboiler in print, but it will sound more impressive coming from Abel Thrice—acclaimed author of The Vampire Mysteries and Nightblood: Mysteries Set in the Universe of The Vampire Mysteries.
• Bigger Is Better: You want your cover blurb to be printed much larger than the interior typeface, preferably in raised, embossed, metallic candy-apple red letters. When choosing a font size, a good rule of thumb is looking at old newspaper headlines about various airship disasters.
• Use Swears: If anyone argues against this eye-catching approach, using swears will work on them as well.
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