If comic books have taught us anything, it's that getting zapped with mysterious rays always gives one crime-fighting superpowers. Achieve a superhuman smoothness that must be used for good and never for evil with today's deal: for $99, you get six 30-minute laser hair-removal treatments (a $750 value) at Jon'Ric International Medical Spa & Salon in Edmond. This Groupon is only valid for treatment of the upper lip, chin, underarms, bikini outline, back of neck, or front of neck.

Using innovative Elōs technology operated exclusively by a doctor or trained physician's assistant, each of Jon'Ric’s 30-minute treatments deliver a one-two punch to delinquent follicles with two forms of electromagnetic energy. Despite their comically mismatched approach to police work, by-the-book light energy and laid-back radio (RF) energy cooperate to clean up the body’s hair-infested streets. First, the Jon'Ric staff preheats your skin-weeds with laser-light energy. Then, a dollop of RF energy is delivered down to the root, permanently demolishing its ability to produce hair. The unhappily hirsute can zap away pesky keratin threads from problem patches on the upper lip, chin, neck, and nape, or they can tame larger swaths with an underarm or bikini-line treatment.

Requiring less energy than traditional laser hair-removal methods, Elōs technology is effective for all hair colors—including blond, red, white, gray, and anime purple—and all skin tones ranging from “cartoon character after a TNT explosion” to the ghoulishly sallow pallor of the undead. Since the skin is heated less than it would be by light alone, your soul sack remains cool and undamaged; many people experience no side effects, although some may briefly display a pinkish hue. Several treatments are required to fully eradicate unwanted hair, so grab two Groupons to treat complementary areas such as the upper lip and chin—finally ridding your face of its congenital silent-movie-villain moustache and goatee.