Anyone who has seen a busy downtown street on a rainy day can casually observe that umbrellas only come in three colors. What does your choice of umbrella say about you?
Black: The most common choice, a black umbrella signifies that you’re a no-nonsense professional with your eye on the prize, most likely an investment banker or a bodyguard holding said umbrella over the head of a crooked senator. Famous owners of black umbrellas include Mary Poppins and Napoleon’s dog, Archaimbaud.
Red: A red umbrella stands out and lets people know you’re fun, sassy, and hate getting rained on—and you don’t care who knows it! If you follow a red umbrella it will no doubt lead to you an exclusive cocktail lounge where fellow red 'brella fellas discuss creativity and kissing. Famous owners of red umbrellas include Robyn Rihanna Fenty and Ronald McDonald.
Rainbow-Colored Umbrella Hat: Usually paired with an oversized pair of novelty sunglasses—if you see someone wearing a rainbow-colored umbrella hat you are already dead. Famous completely unhinged owners of rainbow-colored umbrella hats include Terry “The Brooklyn Mauler” Marshall and Voldemort’s more-evil brother, Scareclops.