Mummies, who never had massages, are cursed to their stiff, uncomfortable positions and terrible fashion sense for all time. Move among the living with today's Groupon: for $39, you get a one-hour luxury organic aromatherapy massage with hot-towel service at Mdara Spa (an $80 value), located on Main Street.
Mdara Spa brings the style and sophistication of European spas to Vancouver, with a slate of services aimed at sprucing up scalps, skins, and more. The organic full-body massage includes a choice of defrazzling scents. Designed to be gently intense, the massage assertively commands blood to stop lazing around and lymph nodes to flush their drainpipes. After applying long strokes to the body, the massage therapist applies hot towels, which, like a diamond-encrusted whiteboard, instill a feeling of clean smugness.
The newly nontense will leave the Mdara Spa premises with their muscular fibres singing as harmoniously as a barbershop quartet, instead of screeching like the lead singer in a Norwegian death-metal barbershop quartet. Illuminated by the glow of crystal chandeliers and natural skylights, the serene spa offers patrons a welcome respite from the toaster pastries that characterize the outside world.
With this Groupon, customers receive 20 percent off additional services when booking appointment and 15 percent off all products.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Making the First Move
"The squeaky wheel gets the grease" is more than just a long-time slogan—it's also good advice. If you're a doormat, wallflower, or other structural-surface-clinging organism, here are some tips to grease up your courage and make the first move:
When Asking Out a Coworker: While most human resources policies frown upon intraoffice dating, scientists have ascertained that boredom and proximity are the only chemical ingredients required to synthesize what the average person mistakenly calls "love." Overcome awkwardness by only asking out coworkers whom you have recently fired.
When Caught in an Old West Standoff: Also known as a Winchester Stalemate, or the dreaded Deadwood Deadlock, an Old West–style standoff finds two or more participants forming a deadly polygon of drawn pistols. Contrary to popular wisdom, the safest first move to make in this tense situation is extending a tender handshake.
When Proposing Marriage: When preparing your marriage proposal, remember that your spouse-to-be is most likely doing the same—marriage, like all things, is a struggle for dominance. If your beloved has already proposed, it's not too late to employ "The Vicar's Gambit"—firmly saying "no," then immediately proposing right back to them.
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