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myAbsoluteBody – Arlington Heights

$599 for Six Zerona Laser Body-Slimming Treatments ($1,794 Value)

$599
Buy
No Longer Available
Fri Aug 10 04:59:59 UTC 2012
Value
$1,794
Discount
67%
You Save
$1,195
  • T460x279
  • Fountain of Youth

In a Nutshell

Noninvasive, FDA-approved laser treatment slims inches from waistline, hips, and thighs with little downtime

The Fine Print

  • Expires Jan 30, 2013
  • Limit 1 per person, may buy 1 additional as a gift. Appointment required. 24hr cancellation notice required or $50 fee may apply. Must be 18 or older. Must sign waiver. Non-candidates will be refunded. May redeem across visits.
  • See the rules that apply to all deals.

Light comes in many forms—be it beautiful, like a rainbow, practical, like a laser, or awe-inspiring, like an applause sign’s first live studio performance. Harness the beautifying power of light with today's Groupon.

$599 for Six Zerona Laser Body-Slimming Treatments ($1,794 Value)

During each session, clients relax beneath an apparatus for 40 minutes as it glides low-light lasers over their waistline, back, hips, and thighs, emulsifying adipose tissue so that fat can sneak its way out of the body. The noninvasive treatment does not require any recovery time and can slim bodies by up to 3.5 inches. Technicians perform the six treatment sessions within 72 hours of one another over the span of two weeks.

myAbsoluteBody

Under the expert guidance of Dr. Dimitry Likterev, the staff at myAbsoluteBody harnesses FDA-approved Zerona cold-laser technology, designed to reduce corporeal circumferences by an average of 3.5 inches. Low-light lasers break down adipose tissue, releasing disintegrated lipids into the body where they can then be absorbed by the lymphatic system and expelled through the body’s natural detoxification process and complex system of water slides. The noninvasive treatment does not require any recovery time. Patients can boost results with healthy eating habits, daily exercise, and regular hydration. Like sumo-wrestling costumes, caffeine and alcohol decrease the procedure’s potency.

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Groupon Says

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The Groupon Guide to: Receiving a Home Visit from a Cable or Satellite Technician

Rarely—very rarely—in your adult life, you may be called upon to receive an unusual stranger in your home. Do not be alarmed by their well-worn uniforms and arsenal of strange tools—they are a representative from the company that provides you with television and Internet service.

In the rare—very rare—event that your cable or Internet briefly ceases working, one of these ragged strangers may arrive on your doorstep. Do not panic. Do not spray them with your hose, still connected from checking on the garden during the free time resultant from your Internet outage. Invite them in. You are expecting them, even if you do not remember.

Do not offer them food, water, or coffee—they are instructed not to take it, and this will make the situation uncomfortable for both of you. If you wish, you may look them in their eyes. Despite the rest of their outward appearance, you will see they have two, beautiful eyes.

Quickly they will set to work, repairing the machines that bring invisible electric signals into your home that help you and your family laugh, love, and share your lives with friends all over the world. Repairs will be brisk and complete, and you will never know the technician's name or have need of them again.

In the rare—very rare—event that your repair visit is somehow delayed, incomplete, or frustrating in anyway, please be assured that this has never happened before, nor will it again. The technician who disappointed you has already been vaporized in the shame chamber. Thank you for choosing Cable, Satellite & Internet.

Which cable provider vaporizes its most disappointing employees?

myAbsoluteBody

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  • A

    Arlington Heights

    1655 N Arlington Heights Rd., Suite 101W
    Arlington Heights, Illinois 60004
    (847) 305-3610
    Get Directions