Muscles, like the tails of sleeping cats or levers labeled “drain ocean,” were never meant to be pulled. Reverse the damage with today's Groupon: for $75, you get a couples-massage package that includes chocolates served in a candlelit room at The Oasis Salon & Spa in Springfield (a $150 value).
The Oasis Salon & Spa’s skilled massage therapists team up during one-hour couples massages to help to imbue bodies with supple, pillowy feelings of relaxation. Pairs of spa-goers can saunter into a private treatment room, which the staff sprinkles with chocolates and permeates with the warm glow of soft, flickering candles that burn gently, like a star whose core is chamomile tea instead of plasma hydrogen. Two treatment beds, nuzzled side by side, create a tranquil atmosphere in which couples can enjoy each other's company while soft music floats around.
A pair of therapists animates the Swedish modality to send serenity gliding across bodies, from which tension flees in fear. To encourage the best possible results, the experts coat their hands in exotic essential oils, helping to destress stiff muscles, stimulate circulation, and expunge unwanted toxins. The 60-minute experience aims to leave clients feeling refreshed and more limber than Gumby moonlighting as a slinky.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Being a Good Friend
Though many of life's accomplishments are important—working as a reading tutor, not setting fire to every mailbox you happen to pass—only one accomplishment matters in the long run: being a good friend. Follow these friendship tips to separating besties from the resties:
• Every time you're drinking something, offer your friend a sip from your glass. If they decline, show them there's nothing to worry about by sterilizing your own mouth with a crème brûlée torch.
• Pick up the check whenever possible—but don’t stop there. Use your intimate knowledge of your friend to glean possible passwords to their online bank accounts and transfer their funds into a high-yield CD just in case they want to save up to go to college again.
• What's your friend's favorite animal? Do they own one yet? Could you conceivably get them one? Keep in mind that the word "impossible" was most likely invented by a bad friend.
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