People eat three times a day to prevent mouthy mouths from brashly blurting out their distaste for the rest of the digestive system. Today's Groupon prevents inner-system quarreling by subduing chatty cheeks with tasty eats: for $20, you get $40 worth of upscale American eats at Portabellos. This Groupon includes free dessert if you dine Sunday through Thursday.
A casual café, Portabellos serves classy American fare for brunch, lunch, and dinner. Brunch combines traditional egg dishes with sandwiches, pastas, and a.m.-appropriate cocktails for a smorgasbord as crowd-pleasing as Burton Gilliam doing the moonwalk. For dinner, the legendary fresh lump crab cake comes sandwiched on a whole-wheat bun ($14) or plated with coleslaw, french fries, and tarragon remoulade ($21), depending on your preferred mastication method. If you're leaning toward breakfast, belly up to smoked-salmon hash with poached eggs ($10), if you're leaning toward lunch, try the orecchiette with fennel sausage, broccoli rabe, and roasted peppers ($14), if you're leaning toward Friday happy hour, a $4 mimosa should do the trick, and, if you're leaning toward a precipice, you should step back a bit. Portabellos provides attentive service and a laid-back atmosphere to accompany its elegant dishes. Exposed brick walls painted a buttery yellow, honey wood-grain tables and chairs and natural light streaming through arched windows create a warm and cozy feeling akin to floating on an inflatable giraffe in a pool of egg yolk.
Reservations are required.
Reviews
Portabellos was featured in the Washingtonian and was reviewed by Gayot. City Paper reviewers give it an average of four sporks, and Yelpers give it a three-star average:
- It has also obviously struck a harmonious note, for this has become a neighborhood hotspot – Gayot
- The jumbo crabcakes, made with first-rate crabmeat, were baked with a light crust and served with jícama slaw and Old Bay remoulade flecked with corn kernels. – David Dorsen, Washingtonian
Groupon Says
Predictions from the Past
The Founding Fathers (Washington, Jefferson, Arnaz Jr., etc.) ate a hearty gruel composed mostly of leather and mashed grain; they could never have predicted contemporary American cuisine. Of course, they had high hopes for what the future of America would hold, though their prognostications did not always come true. Here's what the Founding Fathers predicted and what actually happened:
The Prediction: "Boring road-horses will be replaced with flying horses!" – Thomas Jefferson
What Happened: Despite President Jefferson devoting nearly all of his time to grotesque, irresponsible animal-engineering, none of his horses grafted with dozens of condor wings ever took flight.
The Prediction: "Sassy robot housekeepers. Fantastically strong prehistoric babies. Time-travel everywhere." – George Washington
What Happened: Today's world does not resemble this fantastical vision of America's future, but Washington's words (from his inaugural address) did provide the basis for the television movie The Jetsons Meet the Flintstones.
The Prediction: "Our economy and defense policy will be shaped by a complex, interdependent relationship between the military and the industrial sector." – Ben Franklin
What Happened: This happened.
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