Rarely—very rarely—in your adult life, you may be called upon to receive an unusual stranger in your home. Do not be alarmed by their well-worn uniforms and arsenal of strange tools—they are a representative from the company that provides you with television and Internet service.

In the rare—very rare—event that your cable or Internet briefly ceases working, one of these ragged strangers may arrive on your doorstep. Do not panic. Do not spray them with your hose, still connected from checking on the garden during the free time resultant from your Internet outage. Invite them in. You are expecting them, even if you do not remember.

Do not offer them food, water, or coffee—they are instructed not to take it, and this will make the situation uncomfortable for both of you. If you wish, you may look them in their eyes. Despite the rest of their outward appearance, you will see they have two, beautiful eyes.

Quickly they will set to work, repairing the machines that bring invisible electric signals into your home that help you and your family laugh, love, and share your lives with friends all over the world. Repairs will be brisk and complete, and you will never know the technician's name or have need of them again.

In the rare—very rare—event that your repair visit is somehow delayed, incomplete, or frustrating in anyway, please be assured that this has never happened before, nor will it again. The technician who disappointed you has already been vaporized in the shame chamber. Thank you for choosing Cable, Satellite & Internet.