Without shoes, man’s first steps on the moon would have left his feet finely pumiced, though dangerously vulnerable to hoards of ravenous lunar wombats. Prepare your legs for small steps and giant leaps with today's Groupon: for $29, you get $60 worth of shoes, accessories, and apparel from Shoebacca.com.
The style-seekers at Shoebacca.com pay off their fashion-life debt by corralling thousands of shoes from leading brands and designers to meet the needs of athletic, outdoorsy, and chic feet. Shoe shoppers can peruse their digital collection of clodhoppers to find proper paw protection from modern cobblers such as Adidas, Onitsuka, and Doc Martens. The loafer-lined aisles of their warehouse house footwear for men, women, and children, along with universal styles such as the Vans classic slip-on ($41.99) and Converse Chuck Taylor high-tops ($44.99) that come in a variety of colors and patterns. Gentlemen can modishly muzzle toe pups in a pair of Nike Air Force 1 '07s ($74.99), first worn by President Nixon during his 1971 free-throw shootout with Chairman Mao, and ladies can warm frosty foot-fingers in a pair of sheepskin-lined leather Abigail boots by Bearpaw ($74.99).
For those looking for above-the-ankle accoutrements, Shoebacca.com also offers apparel, sunglasses, bags, and athletic gear. Price-conscious shoppers can browse sale merchandise, which offers items at reduced prices to deflate the egos of products whose retail popularity has gone to their heads. All orders made in the continental US come with free UPS ground shipping.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Meteorology
One of the most confusing of the "ologies," meteorology is actually the study of weather, just as weatherology is the study of meteorology. Here are a few ways you can predict the weather yourself, so you never have to watch the news or talk to anyone else ever again:
- Hold a dampened finger up in the wind. Depending on which side of your finger gets cold first, you may be inside of a tornado.
- If you don't like the weather in your city, wait five minutes. If your uncontrollable rage has not subsided after five minutes, move to a different city.
- If your grandfather's old knee injury starts acting up, it means a storm is coming—a metaphorical storm symbolizing the inescapable perils of old age.
- Remember, a sun wearing sunglasses means a heat wave is underway, just as raisins wearing sunglasses indicate an approaching "cool" front, and a sun wearing sunglasses holding two scoops of raisins means a 90% chance of a complete breakfast.
- You can tell how far away the center of a storm is by counting the seconds between lightning and thunder then multiplying that number by the amount of time you've wasted listening to the sky.
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