In the yearly undersea family reunion, the manatee is the beloved great uncle, regaling wide-eyed dolphin calves with stories of his rowdy days as a professional pachinko player while munching on algae. Pay respects to everyone's favorite aquatic patriarch with today's Groupon: for $25, you get an underwater manatee encounter at Snorkel with Manatees in Crystal River (a $55 total value). The encounter includes the following:
- Gear rental, including wetsuit, mask, and snorkel (a $20 value)
- A three-hour swim, departing at 7:30 a.m. or 11 a.m. (a $35 value)
Snorkel with Manatees places land dwellers face-to-face with aquatic mammals in trips through their natural Crystal River habitat. During the manatee snorkel excursion, adventurers garbed in the appropriate gear set out from the Aquamarina Twin Rivers docks in search of underwater cattle and chicken of the sea. Snorkelers traverse the waterways for three hours beside an experienced captain, who ensures swimmers remain safe as they interact with the manatees. The creatures are famously hospitable toward human visitors, whom they almost always greet with curiosity and their favorite knock-knock jokes. During the summer months, approximately 70 manatees frolic with human chums, and winter aquatic attendance can reach up to 400.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Learning to Shave from Your Dad
Learning to shave is an important milestone for young American men and, for those lucky enough to have a dad, it can be a rich one. Here are the steps to having your father teach you to shave:
• If he has yet to teach you, drop your father hints by talking about how much your new hairs itch or going to important family events fully lathered.
• Once he’s started teaching, deeply breathe in the musky scents. The thick, impossibly white foam. Dad’s old badger-haired brush. Old Spice cologne that smells as if the flowers are blooming in a rich czar’s menagerie.
• Feel the strength of your father’s arms as he guides your hands in the proper shaver’s motion. They are rough and pocked, yet they move your arms in such a firm softness that you can sense he’ll be standing proud at your wedding and buy you an American beer after your divorce.
• He may accidentally cut himself or you, but fear not, as a tiny segment of toilet tissue will hold the meaningless wound. Take this moment to reflect on the fact that your father is no god. Realize, boy, that the day will come when he falters and you will defeat him in myriad arenas. Your brain will conjure pride, but your soul will ache with guilt.
• I wonder what happened to Dad’s old ‘vette. I’ll bet Chris and I could spend a summer restoring it if I could just get him away from his texting. My back hurts more every day…
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