The deal is on!
The Tooth Fairy is a burglarizing fetishist specializing in black-market ivory trade, and she must be stopped. Today’s Groupon helps keep teeth in mouths and out of the hands of maniacal, winged phantasms. For $59, new patients get a full oral checkup at So-Well Dental Associates in Old Town. Your Groupon is good for a dental exam ($75), digital x-rays (up to $115, depending on how many are needed), and comprehensive cleaning ($75) including a fluoride treatment ($35)—a combined value of up to $300. This is a great chance to make sure your mouthparts are in optimal oral order without the need for dental insurance. So-Well is open Monday through Friday; call ahead for an appointment.
A certified team of teeth tamers led by experienced dentist Dr. Zenobia L. Sowell is the friendly force behind each checkup. The initial exam is a comprehensive exploration into the crevices and caps of each tooth. A dental technician will probe as far as the eye can go before suiting up with a bionic x-ray eye. Patients will receive a set of two bitewing x-rays, and, if needed, a full mouth set of x-rays that will reveal trouble zones and signs of decay.
The following meticulous cleaning uses the latest in dental tech to give the heave-ho to any tartar and plaque buildup, clearing the way for future generations of inevitable meal remnants. Treatment will conclude in a manner recommended by the American Dental Association—with an enthusiastic closed-fisted high five and fluoride treatment. You'll leave with a smile bright enough to melt hearts, including your own, so be careful around mirrors.
Reviews
So-Well Dental Associates is a BBB-accredited business with an A+ rating. Seven Insider Pagers and two Kudzu users used their shiny new teeth to administer a three-star rating:
- One of my front teeth had been broken when I was a teen. I went to my family dentist from childhood and everytime the doctor bonded it the bonding would come off shortly after. I went to Dr. Sowell and she bonded the tooth and 10 years later it still holds. I am very pleased with the job she did. She was gentle and kind. – nmalloy61, Kudzu
- I had a dental emergency and I couldn't be more pleased with the care I received from Dr. Sowell. I was scheduled immediately and she and her staff were extremely friendly and helpful. – Johan R., Insider Pages
- Dr. Sowell was very patient with me. I needed to have several dental procedures over a period of time, due to my own dental neglect. She scheduled my appointments so that she could do several procedures at one time and not make my dental care a year-long endeavor…I am glad that she's my dentist and have recommended her to others. – Anonymous, Insider Pages
Groupon Says
Dental Upgrades
Today's Groupon gets you the dental checkup you've been putting off since your last dentist offered to purchase your teeth "for a bag of silver and the hide of a corsac fox." But what if you want to upgrade your teeth well past their normal masticating functions? Here's a guide:
Ability to Chew Through Prison Bars: Each year, millions of Americans opt for elective oral surgery to give their teeth the tensile strength of a sparrow's bones—pound for pound the toughest material on Earth. Would be prison-escapists should note, however, that even extra-strong teeth can't chew through your guilty conscience.
Increased Radio Reception: Most teeth receive broadcasts on the AM frequency, which usually broadcasts black-ops government officials who urge listeners to threaten local news anchors and unfluoridate their water. A number of unlicensed dentists are happy to add an FM transmitter to your molars so you can listen to the hits of the '70s, '80s, '90s, and today in addition to the sounds of "the real government" plotting to root through your old newspapers.
Pneumatic Auto-Teeth: Moving your jaw up and down to mash up your food is not only laborious, it's also disgusting. Have your dentist replace your mouth's natural bone-protrusions with razor-sharp, hydraulic auto-teeth that chomp your food for you. Be sure to remove the matchbox-sized power unit from your mouth at night to prevent uncontrolled night-chewing.
-
- Share this on Twitter
Comment on our feelings board
Discuss the Deal