Without the aid of soap, humanity would not have conquered disease, discovered personal grooming, or created a scent for “spring bliss.” Celebrate soapy innovation with today's Groupon: for $15, you get $30 worth of handcrafted luxury products from Spun Monkey Bath and Body’s online store, plus shipping throughout the United States and Canada.
Spun Monkey concocts custom, all-natural batches of soaps, lotions, and epidermal enrichments for adults and children. Grease Monkey soap pairs goat milk—culled from the neat freaks of the animal kingdom—with shea butter, lavender, and peppermint essential oils to nourish hardworking hands ($6 for 3.5 oz.), and lemon- and coffee-bean-infused Funky Monkey soap quells smells induced by garlic handling and skunk massaging ($3–$12). Dry hides meet their match in Silky Body Butter, a creamy sunflower oil salve that can be scented with your choice of dozens of fragrances including coconut lime and Asian plum ($13 for 4 oz.). Meanwhile, Spun Monkey's Fun For Kids line enlivens bath time with soap cupcakes ($6), puzzle-piece soaps ($8 for four-piece set), and an array of sudsy toys imbued with sugary scents that mitigate soap-in-mouth punishments.
Spun Monkey's bubbly repertoire can be fully customized with more than 85 nose-tickling scents, and all soaps may be ordered in custom shapes and sizes, fulfilling dreams of owning a peanut-butter-scented bust of George Washington Carver.
Groupon Says
The Groupon Guide to: Knighting Yourself
Nowadays, you don't have to slay a dragon or release a hit music album to get knighted. In fact, the Magna Carta specifically grants all land-owning citizens the power to knight whomever they see fit, and since this document is still the basis for all of today's laws, here's what you'll need to knight yourself:
A Worthwhile Quest: Every knight worth his chain mail earns his title and the official, knights-only Maytag dishwasher by bravely completing a legendary quest. Suitable quests include rescuing a princess, raising the national IQ through tireless one-on-one tutoring, or warning children about the dangers of defenestration through a series of comical radio advertisements.
A Gallant Broadsword: Once you've completed your quest, you'll want a high-quality sharp weapon with which to knight yourself. Try looking in abandoned rock quarries or school lost-and-found closets. If you can't find a heroic-looking blade, visit your local Nerf mine to gain access to enough of the soft foam-like mineral to make a sword.
Goodness in Your Heart: True knights must be pure at heart, so it's important to purge yourself of any unkind feelings or fears that have lodged themselves in your ventricles. Lock yourself in a closet and perform scream therapy for at least two months (no breaks) to excise your demons. Then, deliver a shot of goodness directly into your aorta by eating some children’s letters to Santa.
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