$99 for Three Lipo Laser Sessions and Three Body-Vibration Sessions at St. Louis Lipo Laser Center in O’Fallon ($504 Value)

O'Fallon

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In a Nutshell

Medically supervised techs wield noninvasive lasers to contour curves for 25 minutes, followed by weight-loss vibration apparatus

The Fine Print

Expires Apr 28th, 2012. Limit 1 per person, may buy 3 additional as gifts. Limit 1 per visit. Appointment required. New clients only. Must be 18 or older. Treatments are non-transferable. Consultation required, non-candidates will be refunded. Not valid for people on thyroid medications, with insulin dependent diabetics, pregnant or lactating, or diagnosed with cancer. Please discuss current medications and preexisting conditions with your physician before treatment. May redeem across visits. Merchant is solely responsible to purchasers for the care and quality of the advertised goods and services.

Humans maintain their bodies for the same reasons they maintain their houses: to keep the neighbors friendly and to disguise the fact that an alien lives inside them. Slenderize your alien vessel with today's Groupon: for $99, you get a consultation, three lipo laser sessions, and three body-vibration sessions at St. Louis Lipo Laser Center in O’Fallon (a $504 value).

Dr. Michael Heiland helms St. Louis Lipo Laser Center, working to blast away unwanted fat and contour the body using state-of-the-art technology. Dr. Heiland kicks off lipo-laser appointments with a one-on-one consultation that helps him determine a client's candidacy for the body-contouring treatments. If clients meet his criteria, he’ll brandish a Lapex LipoLaser machine that emits a low-light laser designed to noninvasively shrivel fat cells more effectively than a common household shrink-ray gun, as well as spot-reduce unwanted adipose tissue to tone and tighten the body. After a 25-minute laser treatment, you’ll step onto a platform that resembles a stationary segway vehicle for a Total Body Vibration session. Clients can stand still or perform over 80 different exercises designed to help accelerate weight loss. Some claim that 10 minutes on the quivering contraption is the equivalent of 30 minutes of working out in a gym or pumping iron in a sea of smelted Tonka trucks.

St. Louis Lipo Laser

St. Louis Lipo Laser eschews the space-age aesthetic one might expect from a laser body-sculpting center; if anything, the clinic's unassuming red-brick storefront invokes the charm of a neighborhood medical practice. This same charm pervades the center's treatment rooms, where skilled physicians and technicians welcome their patients with old-fashioned kindness as they call upon noninvasive lipo-laser technology in lieu of traditional liposuction to help combat excess pounds. Lipo-laser treatments can shrink fat cells around the hips, arms, thighs, and other areas without inflicting the incisions that more invasive fat-removal procedures require. After laser sessions coupled with body-vibration treatments, patients may see increased flexibility and other benefits similar to those of traditional exercise, and they can immediately resume such regular activities as walking down stairs and climbing up elevator cables.

Experiences that can impart a more youthful appearance