In the 1950s, many U.S. officials believed they could win the space race by placing lasers on the moon, until they discovered that lasers need a daily serving of fat cells to survive. Let lasers do their thing with today’s Groupon: for $199, you get a body-slimming package at Stewart Chiropractic in Lodi (a $768 value). The package includes the following:
- A consultation
- Three 30- to 40-minute Lapex 2000 BCS LipoLaser sessions
- Three body-vibration sessions
At Stewart Chiropractic, Dr. Kevin Stewart funnels more than 14 years of experience into high-tech treatments that target cellulite and unwanted inches . After an initial consultation, Dr. Stewart guides the Lapex 2000 BCS LipoLaser along specific treatment areas such as the abs, back, bottom, legs, and arms. Like a well-timed joke about your lack of clog-dancing ability, the laser light penetrates 11 millimeters beneath the skin, causing fat cells to shrink as they shed glycerol, water, and fatty acids. A nonsurgical alternative to liposuction, the treatment boasts reduced pain, minimal downtime, and a Pink Floyd soundtrack.
As part of the Lapex treatment, patients stand on a vibration platform that aids the inch-loss process by boosting circulation and lymphatic drainage. The increased flow of fluid carries former fat-cell contents to the liver and kidneys, gives them a forged passport, and smuggles them out of the body disguised as Richard Attenborough. The treatment can also reduce the appearance of cellulite and improve collagen production. Stewart Chiropractic recommends clients attend three sessions a week for three weeks, after which they may abandon up to 7 excess inches or one parasitic twin.
Since receiving his doctorate degree in Chirporactic in 1993, Dr. Kevin L. Stewart has focused on taking a total-body approach to chiropractic care to help patients overcome injuries, arthritis, shoulder pain, and a vast array of other maladies. Each visit to Dr. Stewart begins with a consultation. He'll investigate any pain and determine how it corresponds to your spine, which is the epicenter of nervous system activity and the reason humans can use other humans to pole vault. Dr. Stewart regularly attends post-graduate seminars to stay abreast of new developments in the field of orthopedics, pediatrics, and helping patients recover from injury.