Anyone with a doorstep has most likely already been a recipient of mysteriously abandoned baskets, with or without notes explaining the contents and, if necessary, how to care for those contents. Brace yourself before peeking under that blanket—your new, free basket most likely contains one of the following:

• Abandoned infant girl born out of wedlock to a wealthy count
  
• Eight kittens or one regular-size cat
  
• A smaller basket containing yet-smaller baskets, culminating in a meticulously hand-woven wicker thimble
  
• More free hours of AOL than you can realistically use before death
  
• An assortment of meats and cheeses from Grandmama! And what’s this … almond bark?!
  
• A spring-loaded pie to the face and a note: "Don’t mess with the Eighth Street Cobras!"