Without goals, no one would unicycle the Appalachian Trail or train a flock of carrier pigeons to deliver meat pies to unsuspecting haberdashers. Today's Groupon to Tampa Rejuvenation sets you on the path toward your myriad goals with medical expertise and motivation: for $89, you get the first week of a medical weight-loss program (a $375 value). Choose between the following locations: North or South Tampa.
The skilled staff at Tampa Rejuvenation aims to help clients to minimize corporeal circumferences with custom weight-loss programs. In the first week of the program, which includes meetings with a physician and a nutritionist, FDA-approved appetite suppressants, and metabolism-boosting vitamin injections, patients may see as many as 6–10 pounds shamefacedly sneak away. During their initial visit, clients speak with the facility director to go over the program before meeting with a physician, who reviews health history and weight-loss goals and deciphers blood tests, EKG results, vitals, and the hidden images in magic-eye tattoos.
Once bodily systems have been checked out for proper functioning, clients receive MIC combo/lipo injections to help to boost metabolic functions and increase cell literacy and a prescription for one week's worth of appetite suppressants. A body-composition assessment measures the ideal ratio of muscle gain to fat loss for each individual, a fitness assessment with a personal trainer puts goals on track, and a powwow with a nutritionist helps to illuminate tips for cooking and portioning healthy dishes.
Physicians and nutritionists are available to interpret clients’ questions and birdcalls throughout the week, and each patient will snag an educational booklet on shedding and keeping weight off, a gift bag of ketone strips, a month's supply of vitamins, and a discount card for a friend or family member. Though additional weeks are not included in the value of this Groupon, customers may extend their time at Tampa Rejuvenation at a discounted rate of $45–$65 per week (depending on the number of weeks) to receive additional medication, injections, and continued body-fat monitoring.
THE PATIENT AND ANY OTHER PERSON RESPONSIBLE FOR PAYMENT HAS A RIGHT TO REFUSE TO PAY, CANCEL PAYMENT, OR BE REIMBURSED FOR PAYMENT FOR ANY OTHER SERVICE, EXAMINATION, OR TREATMENT THAT IS PERFORMED AS A RESULT OF AND WITHIN 72 HOURS OF RESPONDING TO THE ADVERTISEMENT FOR THE FREE, DISCOUNTED FEE, OR REDUCED FEE SERVICE, EXAMINATION, OR TREATMENT.
The skilled staff—a veritable dream team of medical know-how—shepherds clients toward improved health by designing and leading custom weight-loss, nutrition, and fitness programs. Spread across four locations, the practice tailors comprehensive programs. Doctors, personal trainers, nutritionists, and artists who draw kettlebells onto clients' portraits to make them appear fit pool their disciplines to blast away excess pounds with methods birthed from the mind of science itself. Vitamin and amino-acid injections, ketone strips, appetite suppressants, and supplements are part of the weight loss program. Bio-identical hormones characterize the hormone-therapy program, which seeks to restore bodily balance more effectively than replacing legs with gyroscopes.